The Giant Squib is a highly explosive cephalopod with eight tri-nitro tentacles and two prehensile fuses.
Thank you to Dave Redford for suggesting the Giant Squib.
To suggest a single letter mutation for the Second Bestiary click here.
Idol Scribblings Volume Two
OUT NOW!
Even more deities for every eventuality with a foreword by Gary Brannan of the Technical Difficulties ( TechDiff.co.uk )
Order your copy here
https://idolscribblings.blog/the-book
The Teahorse’s courting song is a rousing tea shanty.
To suggest a single letter mutation for the Second Bestiary click here.
Idol Scribblings Volume Two
OUT NOW!
Even more deities for every eventuality with a foreword by Gary Brannan of the Technical Difficulties ( TechDiff.co.uk )
Order your copy here
https://idolscribblings.blog/the-book
The Karenken is a hyper-privileged abyssal beast that wants to speak to everyone’s manager. It takes the form of a tangle of seething, entitled tentacles, lurking in the depths of ocean trenches. The Karenken can be distinguished from other marine behemoths by its celebrated asymmetrical blond coiffure (a style known to the French as the “bob a feté”) and the flushed pink hue of its skin. If this wasn’t recognisable enough, you can be in no doubt that you are in the presence of the Karenken once you hear its distinctive call. This sounds a lot like, “DOYOUKNOWWHOIAM!” It is not clear exactly how much sway the Karenken has over hearts and minds of mankind, but they certainly consider themselves to be an influencer.
The cult of Karenken is an extremely dark religion, known to regularly practice human sacrifice. They find a ready supply of victims by regularly advertising minimum wage retail jobs. When a rite to appease the Karenken takes place, the unfortunate victim is taken out to sea on a temple ship, where they will first cast some material offerings into the waves to try and appease the Karenken. The Karenken will then erupt from beneath the spume with boiling ire, expressing violent displeasure about the quality of the material offerings, how long they took to be delivered and the general attitude of the assembled priests. At this point, the High Priest or “Manager” comes forward and performs the sacrifice by firing the victim. Very, very literally. The Karenken then retreats beneath the brine, sated for now. This ritual is known as “The Customer Service”. Students of comparative religion have concluded that this just goes to prove that what the Karenken truly feeds on is drama, attention, and the souls of junior workers who just want to earn enough to eat today. (The victim is not always doomed, very occasionally one manages to escape by hiding in the toilets and crying.)
The acolytes of the Karenken have a wider holy mission, making sure the online presence of the Karenken can always be felt via the ethernet. Much of their time online is spent writing scathing reviews and comments about innocent businesses. Preferably companies small enough that they wont have the spare capital to sue for libel and defamation. The church have a helpful website to teach neophytes how to take down a social media manager in one easy comment, known as “Rip Advisor”. Using the religious guidance on this website enables a new member of the religion to learn how to make people in ecommerce yell and yelp in a few easy steps. When not incinerating “menial employees” or leaving negative feedback, worshippers of Karenken have a tendency to support dubious political movements. A recent example being their backing of the insidious “Make Atlantis Great Again” campaign. To fund the upkeep of their temples and their works, worshippers of Karenken hold an annual amateur variety show called “The One Star Revue”. This may be the only known theatrical event where all the critics are on the stage.
Throughout history, followers of other deities have been known to attempt to summon and channel the power of the Karenken to do their bidding. Most recently, the priests of Tantrump who sought to harness the power to overturn an election result. This course of action is very unwise, as the Karenken only ever serves the Karenken. What they think will be an awesome force of nature on their side always turns out to be a damp squid.
If you encounter the Karenken, it is possible to banish it. Just tell it you ARE the manager, and repeatedly chant the ancient protective mantra, “Fou Kovf.”
Idol Scribblings Volume Two
OUT NOW!
Even more deities for every eventuality with a foreword by Gary Brannan of the Technical Difficulties ( TechDiff.co.uk )
Order your copy here
https://idolscribblings.blog/the-book
Idol Scribblings Volume One
A collection of 52 deities, ancient and modern, for all occations from Idol Scribblings. Produced in 2019-2020.
Order your copy here
https://idolscribblings.blog/the-book/
NEW!
IDOL SCRIBBLINGS COMMISSIONS
What do you get the person who has everything? Turn them into a God!
I can turn your friend, relative or even you pet into a humorous Idol Scribblings cartoon. They make a perfect gift!
Click this link to contact me for more information about how to deify your loved ones like a Roman Emperor of old!
Thank you for reading. If you have enjoyed this deity, please feel free to share it with your friends. New deities are published weekly. You can get alerted to new deities via Facebook through the Idol Scribbling Page or on Twitter by following @IdolScribblings . Catch up on the Pantheon so far here.
If you have a suggestion for a deity, you can suggest it by clicking this link. Alternatively, get in touch over on Facebook or Twitter. All due credit will be given.
The Muffin is a delicious sea bird. It is available in blueberry, chocolate chip and sand eel.
The Muffin was suggested by Amber Lee. You can contribute your idea for a single letter mutation beast here.
For this design adapted for BLACK t-shirts, click here.
The philosophy of the faith of Shiva Me Timbers is to fill the void of taste, interests or design skill in one’s life with generic sea themed crap. The theory is that this will imply to others that you are an adventurous, salty sea dog with the wealth and time to explore the world (between your shifts at the call centre). Parrots, West Country accents and casual sexual morals are all encouraged. For worshippers of Shiva Me Timbers, every day is “Talk Like a Pirate Day”. Acolytes with at least one prosthetic limb are considered blessed, as they will always have a gruesome, ripping yarn to tell.
If you commit a serious transgression of the faith of Shiva-Me-Timbers, you may be sentenced to “roll the plank”. Shiva-Me-Timbers is an equal opportunities faith, and all their planks are wheelchair accessible.
There are many majestic temples to Shiva Me Timbers. They sail the seven seas to spread the word of the God. If you visit any port town, you will see one schooner or later. The temples are always immaculately maintained, as they like to keep things ship shape. Each one has a Shivan Temple Cat for vermin control, a rare breed with 9 tails. Inside they are decorated with canvas upholstery, rope-work storage baskets, driftwood, lifebelts and badly taxidermied seagulls. You can create the nautical temple look in your own home. Everything you need is available from “AYE IKEA”.
The clergy of Shiva-Me-Timbers can be recognised by their tattoos, blue trousers and stripy shirts (known as “Bristol Fashion”). Membership of the priesthood is open to both buoys and girls equally. There are often heated theological arguments amongst them about the merits of steam ships versus sail. (This schism is known as the Great Mast Debate.) The current High Priest is a permanently jovial man called Roger. He has lived his whole life in religious service. He started out as the cabin boy. As a money maker, the church of Shiva Me Timbers run a very popular sperm bank. They are renowned for their able semen.
The rituals of Shiva-Me-Timbers always begin with the weighing of the anchor on the ceremonial scales. Sadly, due to the traditional consumption of rum, they usually end with everyone keeling over, utterly wrecked with all souls lost.
Thank you to Sarah Shepton for suggesting Shiva-Me-Timbers.
Idol Scribblings Volume Two
Coming out 30th November 2020
Even more deities for every eventuality with a foreword by Gary Brannan of the Technical Difficulties ( TechDiff.co.uk )
Pre order before November 14th 2020 for a special early-bird discount and to get your name included in the book as a patron.
Pre order here https://idolscribblings.blog/the-book
Idol Scribblings Volume One
A collection of 52 deities, ancient and modern, for all occations from Idol Scribblings. Produced in 2019-2020.
Order your copy here
https://idolscribblings.blog/the-book/
NEW!
IDOL SCRIBBLINGS COMMISSIONS
What do you get the person who has everything? Turn them into a God!
I can turn your friend, relative or even you pet into a humorous Idol Scribblings cartoon. They make a perfect gift!
Click this link to contact me for more information about how to deify your loved ones like a Roman Emperor of old!
Thank you for reading. If you have enjoyed this deity, please feel free to share it with your friends. New deities are published weekly. You can get alerted to new deities via Facebook through the Idol Scribbling Page or on Twitter by following @IdolScribblings . Catch up on the Pantheon so far here.
If you have a suggestion for a deity, you can suggest it by clicking this link. Alternatively, get in touch over on Facebook or Twitter. All due credit will be given.
Idol Scribblings 