The Ginnow is a fish out of tonic. This martini-tiny fish can be found living in the vermouths of rivers. People often confuse the Ginnow with the Cocktail Stickleback.
(Note: I am having a little trouble getting this image to work for the RedBubble merchandise. I can’t seem to get the transparency of the glass to look right when it is put on other colour backgrounds. I will keep working on it and will let you know when they become available.)
Wogana La la la Olé is the only deity who knows what hellish future lies ahead. They’ve seen the rehearsals.
Wogana is the latest addition to the Irish pantheon of gods. They rode into the Otherworld during the second half of the twentieth century on their celestial steed, a lovely horse. The primary aim of the faith of Wogana is to bring peace to the world by making music, not war. It is to the constant amazement of the sceptics out there that Woganaism has been considerably more successful in this aim than the League of Nations ever was*. However, this may all unravel if Cyprus ever award Turkey douze points.
The international nature of this sect may be the reason why Wogananians are, on average, better at geography than US citizens. On hearing that their flight has a lay-over in Moldova, many Americans will wonder, “Where’s that?”. Whereas a follower of Wogana will think, “Hey Mamma!”. Due to the huge range of languages spoken by the acolytes of Wogana, it has become necessary to devise a universal sacred language to enable the community to understand one another. For example, Eurovispiranto for, “Good morning! How are you today?” is, “Boom-bang-a-bang! Hippety-pump-pump ay-ay-ay?”
The great festival of Wogana takes place annually in mid-May and lasts for a week. It is held in a different country each year and is televised to enable followers across the globe to participate. Small groups (up to six) of the faithful will often gather in private homes to celebrate together. However, only the most devout will watch the entire week’s coverage of the festival. Most will only tune in for the climactic final rite on the Saturday night. As with many faiths, alcoholic libation pays a key role in the proceedings. At the start of the final night ritual the High Priest will ceremonially crack open a bottle of Baileys and consume the whole lot over the course of the evening. Except for the first glass, which is placed before the statue of Wogana so that the deity can be there in spirit. The high priest will then lead the congregation in the first prayer of the evening, which begins, “Oh Lordi…”.
Following the opening prayers, a representative from each Wogananian country will take turns to make an offering of a song to Wogana. An uninitiated person watching the proceedings might conclude that there is considerable confusion over what will please this deity. Some offer catchy hooks and pyrotechnics, some bring hoards of metal shredding Vikings or teams of moshing babushkas, whilst others present a wailing lady with a man wearing a horse’s head, sat on a stepladder. The correct answer, of course, is that what pleases Wogana above all things is diversity, spectacle and a lot of glitter. The more utterly bonkers the better. These representatives give their all performing to please Wogana and their followers (or at the very least elicit a sardonic witticism from the High Priest). They also compete for the honour of hosting the following year’s festival. Whilst winning isn’t everything, and it truly is the taking part that counts, every performer at the rite lives in dread of displeasing Wogana and having their souls fed to the demon “Nulpoints”. Singers who suspect this fate may be in store for them often turn Blue and quickly Scooch out of there. Wogana being counted amongst the gods of Eire may be the reason why Ireland has seen such success in the contest over the years. They have hosted the great festival so many times that they Michael Flatley refuse to host it again any time soon.
The current high priest of Wogana is one Mr Norton (affectionately known as “Pray ’em Norton”). Whilst he is renowned as a preacher of great wit and wisdom in his own right, he will also very occasionally act as an oracle of Wogana, channeling the wry Bon Mot of the deity themselves.
It may also interest you to know that Wogananians measure their historical periods a little differently to the rest of us. For example the years from 2010 to 2015, remembered for their iridescent foil fashions and youthful exuberance, are known as “The Jedwardian Era” (it was the best of times, it was the Wurst of times). This era takes its name from the mythical twin sons of Wogana. Edstor and Jollox.
May all the followers of Wogana La La La Olé have a wonderful time celebrating tonight. Let Wogana’s love shine a light in every corner of your dreams.
*Sadly nothing is perfect. Israel seems to have missed that mission statement memo.
Idol Scribblings Volume Two OUT NOW!
Even more deities for every eventuality with a foreword by Gary Brannan of the Technical Difficulties ( TechDiff.co.uk )
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Hello you bunch of beautiful reprobates. As I originally promised to be back with a new Idol Scribblings deity this week, and that is now not happening, I though I ought to tell you all why.
We had a lot of thunderstorms around our parts this week. During one of these storms we ended up with an extra cat. They came in through our cat flap to take shelter, and haven’t left since! Instead of drawing my cartoons I have been trying to track down his humans and acting as referee between him and out two existing cats. So far, to no avail. If we can’t find his humans, and he settles down a bit with our girls, he may well end up becoming a member of the family. He certainly seems to want to be with us. (In addition to this feline drama, work has been really busy this week as the UK prepares for the next stage of lockdown easing.)
The Darthworm was formerly known as Annelid Skywriggler. They are thought to be responsible for the existence of those pesky hyperspace wormholes. This species hibernates through the winter, re-emerging every spring on May the Fourth.
Thanks to Bill Johnston for suggesting the Darthworm, and a happy “May the Fourth Be With You” to all my readers.