Ganache – God of Chocolate, Cream, Cakes and Words that Sound Rude but Aren’t.

Ganache is a kindly deity who watches over bakers and confectioners. He may have a rotund figure, but he still has amazing buns. Offering a prayer to Ganache as you add the cocoa to your cake recipe is said to prevent soggy bottoms, provided you also give the batter a good ritual forking. He is the remover of bits of stray egg shell.

Delicious cooking smells waft from his temple, luring in new devotees. Every year at his festival, the priests make a giant cream horn (said to represent his tusk) which is shared amongst his followers as a fertility rite. Followers of Ganache define a “balanced diet” as a cupcake in each hand.

Ganache has a mischievous side and a prehensile trunk for snatching delicious treats. When a Ganachite baker places 12 cakes on the cooling rack and returns to find only 11, instead of shouting at his apprentices he will shrug and say, “I see Ganache has taken his own offering.” It is considered a divine endorsement of your skill and a blessing if Ganache just could not resist.

Ganache is also the God of words that sound a bit rude, but actually aren’t. Like “masticate” and “kumquat”.

Ganache is said to be quite an emotionally sensitive deity. When something goes wrong, he takes a while to gateauxverit. He is often in tiers.

Followers of Ganache believe that you only get out what you pudding. They also value the pursuit of independence, it is frowned upon to sponge off anyone. Ganache is a very popular deity and is followed by hundreds and thousands.

If you believe in Ganache you are encouraged to d’éclair it loudly and proudly.

Thank you to Sarah Shepton for suggesting Ganache.

Idol Scribblings Volume Two
Coming out 30th November 2020

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Idol Scribblings Volume One

A collection of 52 deities, ancient and modern, for all occations from Idol Scribblings. Produced in 2019-2020.

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