Wing & Ding – Gods of Fonts

These ancient deities originate in the Far East, as did the art of woodblock printing. They are found in variations in other pantheons, sometimes as a single being. For example, they were known in Ancient Greece as Σύμβολο. A version of them did eventually make it into the Roman Pantheon, but it was not until just before Christianisation, in times new. All in all they are said to be pretty cool deities, and they are known to rock well. However, they can become vengeful if angered and have been known to make terror strike-through hearts. Wing & Ding are said to have each been reincarnated three times before their apotheosis. These subtly different avatars are known as Wing & Ding One, Two and Three. Wing’s sacred animal is the Dingbat. Ding’s sacred animal is Webding the Spider.

The Temples of Wing & Ding are decorated with the mysterious holy symbols painted on every surface. Newer modern temples will usually be constructed with a slight slant to the architecture, known as the Italic style. Older temples will usually be built in a more traditional Gothic style. Within each temple is a giant stone bowl which houses the temple’s copies of the sacred texts. This is known as the “Font of All Knowledge”. The sacred texts, known collectively as “The Superscript” are written in a code comprised of 94 hieroglyphic symbols. They are only decipherable by the priesthood and theological scholars following many years of study. These divine words of Wing and Ding were said to have originally been delivered to mankind by Courier. The texts are never completely translated into the western alphabet. However, small excerpts are printed in Trebuchet font on launch materials for new church projects.

The heavenly consorts of Wing and Ding are the Eight Sisters of Lucida. As a result polygamy is permitted within this faith, and some followers prefer to practice this open type of relationship. Sadly, the faith is not always understood by outsiders, and followers of Wing & Ding sometimes experience discrimination. They go into business establishments only to be told “We don’t serve your type here”. The priests of Wing & Ding are dedicated typophiles known as “Serifs”. The priestesses are in charge of the punctuation (as only they have periods). In recent years the whole faith has been administered from near Mansfield in the UK. Therefore the highest ranking priest holds the title of “Serif of Nottingham”. The current incumbent is Sir Harrington Copperplate-Gothic-Bold (who I am told is Cambria educated). Tragically his predecessor, the Liverpudlian Ar Julian, was assassinated. To this day the crime was never solved and no one knows who shot the Serif. In return for a donation to the temple, the Serifs will supply you with an astrological reading, printed in Futura. If appealed to, the Serifs may also hold a court and dispense with legal matters. However, they only mete out punishment when it is fully justified. One traditional penance given is to live solely on Kern Flakes for a set period.

The nemesis of Wing and Ding is the trickster demon “Comic Sans”. Falling into the trap of Comic Sans is said to be the fate of the immoral and unimaginative. Followers of Wing & Ding believe that those who live an unimaginative life will go to the dark underworld called “Helvetica” when they die. Some mystics of the faith believe they know the secret to everlasting life and youth. They believe that the secret to eternal life is…

Thank you to Sarah Shepton for suggesting Wing and Ding.

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