Wantoo is the sound engineer of the Gods. He sits amongst the mass of mortals and controls the volume and quality of the music of the spheres. He is the master of the gate to heavenly music. Legends tell of the origin of his golden mixing desk, which was touched by King Midas. Safe in Wantoo’s capable hands, the other deities can speakon with confidence that they will be clearly heard. Wantoo is assisted by his faithful roadie Jack Plug, who does the heavy lifting and his consort Lampie, the Goddess of Heavenly Lighting. The sacred text of Wantoo is called “The Folio of Spirits”.
Wantoo’s is always depicted wearing a distinctive net skirt, known as the Wantoo Tutu, which is also worn by his priesthood. Wantoo’s priests learn to master the art of sound engineering to try to achieve divine perfect sound for lesser mortal musicians. Despite this noble intent, the relationship between Wantoo and musicians is sometimes strained. They say that difference between a Priest of Wantoo and a toilet is that a toilet only has to take crap from one arsehole at once. Divas should beware though. Wantoo watches over his priests and if provoked too far he will use “Strongbow” his mighty weapon of divine smiting. He often uses Strongbow to reduce musicians with egos to piles of salt.
The Commandments of Wantoo
-Thou shalt change thy battery before each gig.
-Thou shalt bring thine own instrument cable.
-Thou shalt learn what all thy knobs and pedals do.
-Thou shalt wrap cables properly.
– Thou shalt not use thine own vocal effects.
– Thou shalt play thy drum kit appropriately for the room.
– Thou shalt not keep asking to be turned up in the monitors.
– Though shalt have a tuner and use it.
– Thou shalt not play whilst other artists are sound checking.
– Thou shalt not over run thy set time.
Those who break these commandments will be banished to the monitor desk.
Temples of Wantoo are often found in pub back rooms and cellar venues. The floor inside is printed with the traditional “sticky glaze” to encourage visitors to stay as long as possible. Worshippers will try to cluster as close as possible to the altar, situated in the centre-rear of the knave, to experience the best sound. A typical service will comprise a two hour sound check and a half hour of homily. Worship always ends with a call and response between the priest and congregation such as,
Priest: Go in peace. We gather again next Wednesday.
Congregation: Yes, it is very windy.
Priest: Wendy will be holding a bake sale on Thursday.
Congregation: Me too, let’s go for a pint.
Wantoo also appears in the Roman pantheon as Tinnatus and was Christianised as St Alan du Heath.
Thank you to Carrie-May Mealor for suggesting Wantoo.
Idol Scribblings Volume Two
Coming out 30th November 2020
Even more deities for every eventuality with a foreword by Gary Brannan of the Technical Difficulties ( TechDiff.co.uk )
Pre order before November 14th 2020 for a special early-bird discount and to get your name included in the book as a patron.
Pre order here https://idolscribblings.blog/the-book
Idol Scribblings Volume One
A collection of 52 deities, ancient and modern, for all occations from Idol Scribblings. Produced in 2019-2020.
Order your copy here
https://idolscribblings.blog/the-book/
NEW!
IDOL SCRIBBLINGS COMMISSIONS
What do you get the person who has everything? Turn them into a God!
I can turn your friend, relative or even you pet into a humorous Idol Scribblings cartoon. They make a perfect gift!
Click this link to contact me for more information about how to deify your loved ones like a Roman Emperor of old!
Thank you for reading. If you have enjoyed this deity, please feel free to share it with your friends. New deities are published weekly. You can get alerted to new deities via Facebook through the Idol Scribbling Page or on Twitter by following @IdolScribblings . Catch up on the Pantheon so far here.
If you have a suggestion for a deity, you can suggest it by clicking this link. Alternatively, get in touch over on Facebook or Twitter. All due credit will be given.
Idol Scribblings 