Mandle – God of Unnecessarily Gender Specified Products

Mandle is the tealightful God of any and all products which are unnecessarily “gender customised” for men. There was once talk that simple products such as soap, pens and candles could be universally designed for all genders. However, such an ideas really get on Mandle’s wick. He won’ tallow such nonsense.

Following the path of Mandle is said to be spiritually illuminating. An advent-ture for the soul. Although the faith of some may taper off over the years, if you stick with it, you will eventually become enlightened. Actually, their literature says “lit”. One hopes this is metaphorical.

Every item in Mandle’s temple is specifically formulated “FOR MEN”. From the camo pattern sandpaper toilet roll in the bathroom to the He-lights on the altar. An impressive display of relics and sacred artefacts are lovingly displayed on the Mandlepiece. Perhaps the most revered of these are the Holy Packet of McCoys, the Blessed Yorkiebah and a box of giant tissues.

When visiting the temple, worshippers are encouraged to make a donation, light a small candle and pray to be more self assured. This is called the votive confidence. Whilst visiting, do take the time to try one of their “Bronuts”, a deep fried dough delicacy made and sold by the clergy.

His priests are called “Lu-menz” and the high priest is called “The Candelabro”. They are flambeauant in their worship, and attending one of their rituals is said to be guaranteed to brighten your day. Given the slightest invitation they will wax lyrical about Mandle for hours.

Followers of Mandle will look asconce at any man using a candle that is not scented with “Man Scents” such as Swarfega, guitars, gunpowder or the sweat of Chuck Norris. In fact if they see a bloke use a plain or girly scented candle they will be very put out, nae quite de-lighted.

Mandle’s divine consort is the deity Jillette, who is the best Mandle can get. (Jillette known for being a little unstable. They will reveal the goddess in you, but is also likely to cut you.)

Mandle was suggested by Sarah Shepton @afishoutofwtf

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