Futon is the saviour of: gap year students, couch surfers, disgraced spouses, musicians on tour, inebriated post-party people, and guys who said something stupid and blew their chances after being invited in for coffee and the last bus. Also known as Zed, Camp or Murphy. He is also the God of Poor Compromises.
Futon is a deity who has wandered and explored the whole world with his jazz dot and djembe in search of himself. (Unless you have about three days to spare DO NOT ask him about it). He has absorbed aspects of many different cultures since his origin in Japan. Kind of like a collection of historic mattress stains from around the world. His appearance has become heavily westernised as his popularity has spread. He originally had two avatars “Shikifuton” and “Kakefuton”.
The way of Futon is a very fatalistic philosophy. They believe that; nothing really mattress, the way to achieve inner peace is to chair less and that flexibility in an uncertain world is key to being bedder than all the rest.
Futon’s temple is renowned for providing accommodation for the stranded and the needy day or night. If you attend a ritual or rite of worship at Futon’s temple you will be initially impressed at the seating provided for worshippers with it’s downy padding. However, this will somehow, magically become less and less pleasant over time. Unless you are under 25, you will leave the temple half crippled. In fact, if you are under 25 you will probably think Futon is pretty (sic.) sick, if you are over 25 you will probably find him to be a bit of a pretentious twat who makes you uncomfortable. However, when no other deity is available to give you spiritual rest, he is better than nothing. Just.
I strongly advise you not to heed the family planning guidance issued by Futon’s sect. It has been found to be woefully inaccurate. It is, in fact, still possible to get pregnant on a pull-out bed. (Although, Futon does have the power to make lovers disappear, and so may be effective in that way.)
There is a variation of Yoga associated with the worship of Futon. It only has two asanas “Sit” and “Lay”.
Thank you to Adam Broadhurst for suggesting Futon. As a touring musician with the excellent band Under a Banner, I believe he has a great deal of experience of this deity.
Idol Scribblings Volume Two
Coming out 30th November 2020
Even more deities for every eventuality with a foreword by Gary Brannan of the Technical Difficulties ( TechDiff.co.uk )
Pre order before November 14th 2020 for a special early-bird discount and to get your name included in the book as a patron.
Pre order here https://idolscribblings.blog/the-book
Idol Scribblings Volume One
A collection of 52 deities, ancient and modern, for all occations from Idol Scribblings. Produced in 2019-2020.
Order your copy here
IDOL SCRIBBLINGS COMMISSIONS
What do you get the person who has everything? Turn them into a God!
I can turn your friend, relative or even you pet into a humorous Idol Scribblings cartoon. They make a perfect gift!
Click this link to contact me for more information about how to deify your loved ones like a Roman Emperor of old!
Thank you for reading. If you have enjoyed this deity, please feel free to share it with your friends. New deities are published weekly. You can get alerted to new deities via Facebook through the Idol Scribbling Page or on Twitter by following @IdolScribblings . Catch up on the Pantheon so far here.
If you have a suggestion for a deity, you can suggest it by clicking this link. Alternatively, get in touch over on Facebook or Twitter. All due credit will be given.
One thought on “Futon – God of Temporary Sleeping Arrangements”