Pathos – God of Internet Hugs

Pathos is the God of remote love and good wishes sent when the going gets tough. He is the God of cute animal gifs, motivational quotes across photos of the sea and that cat that is “hanging in there baby”. The walls of the temple of Pathos are decorated with inspirational words superimposed on atmospheric images. The building of Pathos’ temples are funded entirely through online emotional blackmail campaigns. Pathos’ power is strengthened by his celestial familiar “Likeus”, who takes the form of an insatiable wolf.

Priests of Pathos are skilled cryptographers. They create elaborate, abstruse coded messages designed to generate masses of attention and sympathy. Some of the greatest examples (which have been recorded in Pathos’ sacred text “The Book of Faces) include;

“Can’t trust no one can you,”
“That’s it! Had enough!”
“At the hospital,”
“Sick of fake friends. It’s just me and the kids from now on,”
and the brief but poignant,
“FML”

Sadly, the “Book of Faces” can be hard to read for a neophyte, as the fluid approach to spelling and grammar can make things a little hard to follow. When they are not engaged in ciphering or leading worship, the Priests of Pathos generally like to go fishing. This provides both recreation and emotional sustenance. Whenever a catastrophe occurs somewhere in the world they will leave their recreation and leap to their keyboards to send thoughts and prayers.

Once a year a great festival of Pathos is held where epic theatrical productions are staged. The great writers compete to stage the best tragedy play. The performers comprise a few principal actors, who will deliver lines loaded with mysterious snippets of information from behind masks with frozen expressions. Behind them stands a chorus who beg for detail from the background. The plays are judged by a committee chosen by lot from the audience. The winning playwright is awarded a ceremonial stirring spoon carved from ivy wood. Perhaps the most famous playwright to honour Pathos with his work was S’upocles, best known for his play “Antagonize”.

(Most people won’t read this entry. However,
if you share the word of Pathos, I’ll know who really reads my blog. Please post an eggplant emoji as your status for the next hour to raise awareness of Pathos. When I see who does this I’ll know who really cares.)

 P.S. You okay Hun? PM me.

Thank you to Sarah Shepton for suggesting Pathos. (Sarah, please note that the above does not apply to the pictures of cute otters I occasionally send you. Pictures of cute otters have been shown to be therapeutically effective in peer reviewed double blind studies and therefore are totes’ legit’.)

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