Beroccas – God of Vitamins

Beroccas is always depicted as the buffed epitome of health and vitality, and he’s really, really proud of it. He is the twin brother of Dioralyte – God of Minerals and Electrolytes.

A typical rite at Beroccas’ temple begins with the chanting of the RDAs, followed by a 30 minute sermon about Beroccas gym and running regime. There will be singing of sacred songs such as the well known favourites “Amazin’ Riboflavin” or “Thiamin be the Glory”. At the climax of the ritual, the officiating priest will drop the fizzy tablet into the water to make it holy, and then it is shared by his followers as libation.

The air of the temple hangs thick with a mist of perspiration. Three of the walls are lined with wall to ceiling mirrors, the fourth is a plate glass window which onto the street. This way, any unbelievers walking past will be awed by the majesty of physiques of the faithful at prayer. The aisles are filled with rows of exercise bikes which spin prayer wheels. Each worshipper carries a small prayer towel, which must be used to wipe the seat clean of their pious perspiration.

Members of the cult of Beroccas are required to attend a form of confessional every week where they must download their fitbit data for scrutiny by the High Priest. Those who have earned an insufficient number of badges are punished by being picked last for all team games for the next week.

The Beroccan Games are held every four years in a different city around the world. At these games believers compete in athletic events to win a place in the Priesthood. Only the finest specimens of health and prowess are admitted. They compete naked. Even though no one asked them to.

Beroccas is sometimes prayed to by the hungover, desperately promising lifestyle reform in exchange for relief. It is said by his true acolytes that these prayers will fall on deaf ears and they would do better praying to Cholesterolia – Goddess of Fry-Ups.

Followers of Beroccas believe that when they die, they’ll be over 100 and still look HOT.

Beroccas was suggested by James R Turner. (This was actually a very early cartoon from the Idol Scribblings series, sorry that I hadn’t posted it until now).

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