Mascara – The Gothic Deity

Mascara is an anthropomorphic personification of darkness and degradation with flawless eyeliner. Mascara is more Goth than thou will ever be. They are said to have originated in the mysterious forests and mountains of north eastern Europe, the offspring of Captain Sensible (God of the Damned) and Siouxsie (Goddess of backcombing and singing on the roof).

Mascara’s temple is a macabre confection of pointed arches and carved skulls in a secret location near Whitby. It is a Temple of Love. It shines like thunder and cries like rain. Dribbly candles flutter in sconces on the walls casting deep, mysterious shadows. The only well illuminated part of the temple is the sacred mirror. All their furniture is designed by the Bauhaus school. In the heart of the Temple is a large console with hundreds of push switches. They don’t do anything. The Emos just like to sit at it and depress the buttons. The structure of the temple is supported by a frame of steel girders. Recently, the temple required major restoration. When they consulted an expert structural steel engineer from Sheffield, he looked at the girders and said “Hey now! Hey now now! Look at this corrosion sithee!”

The priesthood wear black at all times, (well, until find a darker colour). Subtle differences in dress denote membership of different orders such as; The Perkies, The Cybers, The Mopies, The Romantics, The Phetishists and The Steamers. Many wear the “corset of penance”. They haven’t done anything particularly bad, they just like it. Each priest carries a ceremonial “wand” (which is in fact more like a conical brush on a stick). During rituals of Mascara, the priesthood adopt a strange facial expression, eyes wide and mouth hanging agape as they gaze into the scared mirror.

Worshippers of Mascara were hunted and persecuted throughout much of history. In crueller times, heathen mobs (or “Townies”) would attempt to trap and castrate the male members of the faith. They would then hang the testes up in their wardrobes as a charm to off ward cloth eating vermin. This is why, in days of yore, Townies tended to smell of Goth Balls.

Before attending worship at Mascara’s temple for the first time, it is wise to practice the four key ritual dance moves to avoid scorn from the initiated. They are called; “The Big Fish”, “The Little Fish”, “The Cardboard Box” and the “Yoyo Trick-Shot”.

The first and only commandment of Mascara is, “Don’t make me cry!”.

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