From the Idol Scribbler – Meet the Hive Mind

I would very much like to introduce you to some of the original Idol Scribblings Hive Mind who helped come up with the names of some of the first comedy deities.

They are, truly the loveliest bunch of odd-balls anyone was lucky enough to call “friend”. Their wit and unconventional wisdom has saved me from crushing ennui more times than I can count. Today I am going to introduce you to four of the crew. (I will introduce you to some more of them in future). As you will see, they are all extremely interesting people.

Should I be worried by the fact that everyone’s answers to the bread question included an exclamation mark?

Wendy Barrows

Wendy with Loki the Cat

Wendy Barrows is one third of the team behind the music and video gaming channel “The Pickle Jar”. You can follow them on Facebook here.

She is also a keen amateur musical theatre performer, and strives to keep Yorkshire cultured with the help of the Maltby Musical Theatre Group. If ever Wendy appears to be unhappy, please give her a cat to cuddle. If this does not work immediately, just keep adding more cats. Wendy has an impressive property portfolio, in Minecraft. She manages to tear herself away from the consoles now and then to do her “proper job” in education. If she can find enough coffee to achieve lift-off that is.

Wendy’s contributions to Idol Scribblings include coming up with the name Idol Scribblings. This suggestion won a poll of the original Hive Mind Members to become our title.

If you were a deity, what would you be the God of?
The God of Sarcasm. Obviously.

What should your worshippers leave as an offering on your altar?
Large bars of Mint Aero and fluffy pajamas.

What would your sacred animal be?
The domestic house cat.

What is the correct name for a hand sized, spheroid, bread product?
A bread roll, or just a roll, as that is the correct term!

A biopic film of your life is being made. Who should play you?
Joan Cusack.

Adam Broadhurst

Adam and Bandit

Adam Broadhurst is the lead singer of the truly excellent folk-metal band Under a Banner *. When not rocking hard he can usually be found up a mountain, in the rain, with his dog. He can probably be best described as a traditional dark, brooding, English romantic poet, in a camper van. When forced to perform penurious servitude for material gain, he teaches English in the West Midlands (and therefore I blame him entirely for the accent).

Adam is one of the most prolific contributors to Idol Scribblings, of the Deities shared so far he has contributed:
Futon – God of Temporary Sleeping Arrangements,
Madhur – Goddess of the Great British Curry,
Quinoa – God of Faddy Diets,
Anaglypta and Artex – Gods of Failed DIY Projects (jointly),
Low Key – God of Bassists (jointly).
There are a few more genius ideas still to come from him. He has also been a fantastic cheerleader and advocate for Idol Scribblings, and I cannot thank him enough for all the encouragement, proof reading, shares and likes.

If you were a deity, what would you be the God of?
The God of Rain.

What should your worshippers leave as an offering on your altar?
A soggy OS map.

What would your sacred animal be?
A soggy, oily Shag.

What is the correct name for a hand sized, spheroid, bread product?
That’s a cob if hard and a bap if soft!

You are going to star in a movie fight-scene. Choose your fight-scene soundtrack.
The Lark Ascending by Vaughan Williams (this would be a very non-violent fight)

* My band Ethryll will be supporting Under a Banner in Sheffield on the 28th September. Details here.

John Kennard

John and the Mystery Hands.

John Kennard is one of the few drummers I have known who can read a book without getting a blister on the end of his finger. He is also a tenor (ladies!) and chorister with Chandros Camber Choir. You may have seen him at one of the BBC Proms concerts performing as a penguin impersonator. This is especially impressive as in real life he is a Racing Hippo. Should you ever need to win John over as a friend, invite him round to play board games. John’s superpower is his ability to unknot giant nests of tangled cables. Seriously, this guy would make Gordias sweat.

When he needs to eat, John works as a Technical Architect. John is great at pointing out a genius joke or pun opportunity that I have missed for a deity. He has contributed to the writing of Semolina – Goddess of School Dinners, Piccaeolus – God of Wind Musicians and Houmous – God of Dips. All of which are coming soon.

If you were a deity, what would you be the God of? 
The God of Atheists

What should your worshippers leave as an offering on your altar?
The blue pills, (they should be taking the red ones).

What would your sacred animal be?
The Babel Fish (cf Oolon Colluphid).

What is the correct name for a hand sized, spheroid, bread product?
A very large dough-ball!

You are being abducted by aliens and taken to their home planet. They will let you take one luxury from your home town (Worthing) to introduce to their world. What are you going to take?
A horde of creakily-rampaging geriatrics.

James R Turner

James and his Yorkshire Juice.

James is a music reviewer, critic and journalist who is very highly regarded on the Progressive Rock, Folk and Alternative Rock Music Scenes. He writes for Spirit of Progressive Rock website, and he also works in Public Relations for Bad Elephant Music. James R Turner is known to his friends as “The Big T” (well, that’s what we call him when Mr T is in the room). He was, allegedly, the inspiration for one half of Waldorf and Statler. Once, James and I brewed a cup of tea on a fire tornado made using white spirit and a Trangia (DTTAH).

James lives somewhere in the South West with a lot of animals. When not working at things that are actually interesting, James works in banking. James has been a great supporter of Idol Scribblings, he has contributed a hilarious deity which is to be published this week (No spoilers).

If you were a deity, what would you be the God of?
The God of Indecision

What should your worshippers leave as an offering on your altar?
CDs and Real Ale.

What would your sacred animal be?
The West Highland White Terrier.

What is the correct name for a hand sized, spheroid, bread product?
Bread cake!

If you had to pick one celebrity voice to narrate your inner monologue for the rest of your life, who are you going to choose?
Peter Capaldi as Malcolm Tucker.

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