I first met Carrie-May in a muddy field some time in the later half of the fifteenth century. Well, not really, but we were doing a jolly good job of pretending. She is a woman of many passions and varied skills. She can serenade you on the cello, calligraphy a beautiful passive aggressive note to your neighbour, excavate the remains of your ancestors, massage your head or shoot you down like a mangy dog with a longbow with equal finesse. She is also a superb artist, you can check out her creative work at Closer to the Hedge.
Carrie-May suggested Senna – Goddess of Regular Occurrences and Wantoo – God of Sound Engineers.
If you were a deity, what would you be the god of? God of Multiple Interests, Unfinished Projects and the Easily Distracted
What should your worshippers leave as an offering on your altar? My worshippers should leave me half finished drawings and unused craft supplies. They might also play hymns on musical instruments they are not very good at.
What would your sacred animal be? My sacred animal would be a magpie (make of that what you will!)
I challenge you to a duel! Choose your weapon! My weapon of choice is a blunt craft knife and a badly played cello for ranged attacks.
I would very much like to introduce you to some of the original Idol Scribblings Hive Mind who helped come up with the names of some of the first comedy deities.
They are, truly the loveliest bunch of odd-balls anyone was lucky enough to call “friend”. Their wit and unconventional wisdom has saved me from crushing ennui more times than I can count. Today I am going to introduce you to four of the crew. (I will introduce you to some more of them in future). As you will see, they are all extremely interesting people.
Should I be worried by the fact that everyone’s answers to the bread question included an exclamation mark?
Wendy Barrows is one third of the team behind the music and video gaming channel “The Pickle Jar”. You can follow them on Facebook here.
She is also a keen amateur musical theatre performer, and strives to keep Yorkshire cultured with the help of the Maltby Musical Theatre Group. If ever Wendy appears to be unhappy, please give her a cat to cuddle. If this does not work immediately, just keep adding more cats. Wendy has an impressive property portfolio, in Minecraft. She manages to tear herself away from the consoles now and then to do her “proper job” in education. If she can find enough coffee to achieve lift-off that is.
Wendy’s contributions to Idol Scribblings include coming up with the name Idol Scribblings. This suggestion won a poll of the original Hive Mind Members to become our title.
If you were a deity, what would you be the God of? The God of Sarcasm. Obviously.
What should your worshippers leave as an offering on your altar? Large bars of Mint Aero and fluffy pajamas.
What would your sacred animal be? The domestic house cat.
What is the correct name for a hand sized, spheroid, bread product? A bread roll, or just a roll, as that is the correct term!
A biopic film of your life is being made. Who should play you? Joan Cusack.
Adam Broadhurst is the lead singer of the truly excellent folk-metal band Under a Banner *. When not rocking hard he can usually be found up a mountain, in the rain, with his dog. He can probably be best described as a traditional dark, brooding, English romantic poet, in a camper van. When forced to perform penurious servitude for material gain, he teaches English in the West Midlands (and therefore I blame him entirely for the accent).
If you were a deity, what would you be the God of? The God of Rain.
What should your worshippers leave as an offering on your altar? A soggy OS map.
What would your sacred animal be? A soggy, oily Shag.
What is the correct name for a hand sized, spheroid, bread product? That’s a cob if hard and a bap if soft!
You are going to star in a movie fight-scene. Choose your fight-scene soundtrack. The Lark Ascending by Vaughan Williams (this would be a very non-violent fight)
* My band Ethryll will be supporting Under a Banner in Sheffield on the 28th September. Details here.
John Kennard is one of the few drummers I have known who can read a book without getting a blister on the end of his finger. He is also a tenor (ladies!) and chorister with Chandros Camber Choir. You may have seen him at one of the BBC Proms concerts performing as a penguin impersonator. This is especially impressive as in real life he is a Racing Hippo. Should you ever need to win John over as a friend, invite him round to play board games. John’s superpower is his ability to unknot giant nests of tangled cables. Seriously, this guy would make Gordias sweat.
When he needs to eat, John works as a Technical Architect. John is great at pointing out a genius joke or pun opportunity that I have missed for a deity. He has contributed to the writing of Semolina – Goddess of School Dinners, Piccaeolus – God of Wind Musicians and Houmous – God of Dips. All of which are coming soon.
If you were a deity, what would you be the God of? The God of Atheists
What should your worshippers leave as an offering on your altar? The blue pills, (they should be taking the red ones).
What would your sacred animal be? The Babel Fish (cf Oolon Colluphid).
What is the correct name for a hand sized, spheroid, bread product? A very large dough-ball!
You are being abducted by aliens and taken to their home planet. They will let you take one luxury from your home town (Worthing) to introduce to their world. What are you going to take? A horde of creakily-rampaging geriatrics.
James R Turner
James is a music reviewer, critic and journalist who is very highly regarded on the Progressive Rock, Folk and Alternative Rock Music Scenes. He writes for Spirit of Progressive Rock website, and he also works in Public Relations for Bad Elephant Music. James R Turner is known to his friends as “The Big T” (well, that’s what we call him when Mr T is in the room). He was, allegedly, the inspiration for one half of Waldorf and Statler. Once, James and I brewed a cup of tea on a fire tornado made using white spirit and a Trangia (DTTAH).
James lives somewhere in the South West with a lot of animals. When not working at things that are actually interesting, James works in banking. James has been a great supporter of Idol Scribblings, he has contributed a hilarious deity which is to be published this week (No spoilers).
If you were a deity, what would you be the God of? The God of Indecision
What should your worshippers leave as an offering on your altar? CDs and Real Ale.
What would your sacred animal be? The West Highland White Terrier.
What is the correct name for a hand sized, spheroid, bread product? Bread cake!
If you had to pick one celebrity voice to narrate your inner monologue for the rest of your life, who are you going to choose? Peter Capaldi as Malcolm Tucker.